Busy Busy

And so feels my life.
Sure, I have a lot more responsibilites suddenly dumped on me, but...I can't seem but notice that I feel rushed a lot of the day and I feel guilty when I slack. That, is a terrible thing. Though at the rate my homework is piling up...that guilt may be my saving grace.
My classes are all turning out to be very cool (only got Brit Lit to go to for the first time) and aside from my Japanese class terrifying the wits out of me, I think I may yet survive. I'll have to work hard in my Religion class, drawing will take a lot of guts, creative writing will take some real focus to stick with one story, jujitsu will make me tired if it's as rough as it looks, and my Japanese class will just be hard. No way around it. I think I may have to do some serious praying. Or study. Well, both might be good.
Focus is going to be something that I'll have to track down and restrain. It's always been rather free roaming and ellusive. One minute I have it, the next I'm totally okay with going to the dollar movie at 9:40 at night. Sure, I made it to my 9 am class the next day without much damage done, but I can't do that anymore. Bad me.
And now that I finally have organized my desk area and gotten some idea of what homework I need to do...I blog. Argh.
Focus.
Focus.
Oh, and by the way - Utah weather stinks. It makes me go all dry and sweaty at the same time. Narg. Pour on the lotion and roll out the deoderant. And there's that lovely chocolate bar I opened....
Must. Not. Eat....Anymore of.
Agh. I'm gonna try this focus thing one more time and then we'll see how it goes from there. Homework ho? Well, with a short break when E gets home and finally gives me a back massage. I'm in dire need of one. Oh, slouching, how I loathe thee!

Matsugi

The Bubble

And here I am again. Finding myself heading for the bubble, that great shelter in the middle of the desert. Alas, and I find joy in this.
Logic would scream that I should be dreading it. Going back to a desert? Going back to school? To work? To long nights and early mornings? Am I insane?
And yet...I crave it.
This summer has been so entirely bizarre that I'll be glad to at least have some semblance of normalcy in my schedule. This being my class schedule. Which, in and of itself, seems fluffy on first glance. I'm taking beginning to drawing. (Which is quite hard to get into, thankyouverymuch.) And Marital arts. And Creative writing... heh. Three of my great loves. (Well, I'm hoping I love doing marital arts as much as I do watching it.)
And here's me hoping my drawing blossoms again. I was really quite good as a kid, no, I'm serious. Most little kids (we love them anyway) draw a circle-squareish thing and announce proudly that they have drawn a dragon. And the next thing, which looks suspiciously the same, is a cat. How to tell the difference is beyond me. But me? Oh no, no circle-squarish dragon-cats for me. My cats had whiskers and tails and even kitty noses. Perhaps their paws never looked quite right, but gosh darn it, they were distinct from my dogs and horses and giraffes.
And now that I'm past that random tangent...
Here's to me hoping I can draw still. I keep getting the urge to, but when I try to, it doesn' t look as good as I'd hope it was. But then again, I look at the work of some majorly awesome artists and mine just doesn't compare. Somehow I manage to forget that they've been at it for years, have taken billions of classes and gosh darn it, I haven't. Well, I'm hoping to change that. But maybe, just maybe, I'm never cut to draw people. Cats, sure. Dogs, roger. But humans have never looked quite right. Besides that bathroom-stall comic in Julius Caesar theme... er. Don't ask, but it's not dirty.
Let's see, where was I? I do tend to ramble quite a bit in these things. Maybe it's because people are in the room and ask me what I'm doing, or I stop to listen to the song that's playing. (I'm in the process of making my dad a rock mix. He had a hold of my 3 Doors Down cd for a bit too long...) Etc, etc. Oh well, I hope it's amusing either way.
I've had next to nothing of a social life. Sure, I'd chat online and I'd write plenty of rpg posts (story format, don't worry. No D&D for me, though it would be amusing to observe...) but other than hanging out with my few girl friends and doing random things, well...I didn't do much. I went to work, raced out of Sacrament meeting to make it to work on time, worked some more, spent some money, and slept in. The last part was especially nice. Oh, and I got a car. Huzzah!
Yes, my parents love me. Well, pity me? Shoot, that sounds too pathetic. Love me unconditionally. There we go. (Don't get me wrong, I'm totally in favor of unconditional love, I just...don't feel like I deserve it sometimes.)
Whichhhh would get me started on my Cream Sheep Theory.
Cream Sheep, you say? Oh, they are numerous. And I am a proud member of them. Let me tell my tale. Don't worry, it'll be short.
You see, I'm in a white sheep family. And so for a long time I felt like a black sheep. I'd actually get in trouble. Get grounded occassionally. Of course, I'm not proud of some of the things I've done, but time doesn't go in reverse. It took a few chats with my sister to realize that I'm not so much black as...cream. All of my siblings were good and not really antisocial...as anti-popular-social? Not that I was all prep or jock either, but I'd tend towards more of that. My sister would read a book for kicks. I would go with two of my girl friends and try on random (sometimes hideous) prom dresses. Discovered I'm petite. (Petite=doesn't fit traditional prom dresses.)
Not that I like to prance around in pretty dresses all the time...well, I hardly ever want to do that. But on occassion it's nice. And it was something cheap and hilarious to do. Let alone all the outfits we'd pick out for each other. Oh gah, either they were mismatched or were...just wrong. The jean bodysuit is no doubt one of my favorites. And to think I was the closest to having it actually somewhat fit...
Anyhoo, I'd be the one to get in trouble. And so I felt like the terrible child. And it took me quite a few years to have this realization. And now, I embrace my cream-dom.
But Provo will be a nice change. I'll have a ward, I'll actually be able to go to church. And I'll have more people to associate with. I'll have another shot at being social. (I'm 0-2 so far. Anti-socially has won so far.) Perhaps I'll even meet Mormon boys. *gasps* And there is that RM I wrote to a few times. Not that I'm looking for anything other than a few fun chats. Perhaps a few dozen. Man, I've missed talking to that boy. And he's back as of...two days ago. I'll see him soon, though. Craaazy.

And I've rambled for long enough.

Signing out-

Matsugi